It’s a little late to be talking about last month’s game, but why not? It was great fun playing through it (or rather dying through it) in solo and in co-op.

So probably the most striking thing about this game is the graphics.

Whereas the first Dark Souls found itself with disappointingly low-resolution textures, muddled effects, and otherwise half-hearted stabs at a visually-appealing UI, Dark Souls 2 brings with it a much cleaner feel to it; environments are more immersive, effects are sharper, and the UI is more intuitive and informative.

In terms of sound, the general state of sound effects is about the same; you get the same satisfying hit sounds whether you’re on the delivering or receiving end of attacks. For music, the overall mood feels entirely different from the first Dark Souls; rather than an emphasis on a grander, more dramatic tone, Dark Souls 2 sounded much more lively and energetic.

But whatever. I could go on and on about all the things I felt about both sound and visuals, but that’s not the important part. The important part is summarizing all the “fun” things that happened along this journey.

So you wake up as some sort of homeless bum in the middle of nowhere – God knows who you are and where you are and where you came from. But who cares; there’s a hut nearby; maybe the inhabitants can tell you more about yourself.

Not really. They just ask you your name and let you decide your starting class/gift/whatever.

This is the part where you’re given your weapon(s) and some real clothing; now that we’re not so useless, let’s go out and fight some things, like..

Anyway, you kill a few of these fat guys, and you continue on your way out of the tutorial level (or, you know, just run straight down the linear path and exit this dump) until you reach the “home point,” Majula.

You run into some NPC called the Emerald Harold or something – they’re kind of important (they take your souls and level you up, they take Estus Flask shards and level up your flask, etc), but who cares; you’re just here for an adventure and good times!

So you turn around and the knight at the memorial is all “Yeah, over there is the Valley of Giants. clearly the way you’re supposed to go, guy!” and you set off into this Valley of Giants place.

And you kill the Last Giant.

He (or she, whatever) gives you this key after you break his legs in and drop him onto the ground. So you explore a bit further; in fact, you reach the outside of the castle you’re in! There’s a sweet sunset you get to see, and even a fog door to the next area!

And then you prepare to get #rekt.

Or, you know, you parry him and shoot him with the giant crossbow conveniently placed in the arena.

The guy dropped in from a giant eagle, so you hop aboard the Bird Express Plane over to the Lost Bastille or something.

I forget what happens next for a pretty long time, but you probably go around ruining people’s days and stealing their souls for whatever reason. You know, because Dark Souls is about killing/dying/stealing souls.

Eventually, after all the soul-stealing and mass murdering, you find yourself at…

This sweet castle is actually a bit stranger than it seems, what with its inhabitants and all kinds of tricks. Like a terrific high tower prison for your singing prisoner.

 

Or the totally-not-haunted crypt that is filled to the gills with all kinds of dead Hollows, treasures, and weird ghosts that pop out of tombstones.

And the even-further-underground Shrine that houses the simultaneously creepiest and most calming song..

Or are those in reverse? Whatever the case, you find yourself stealing some more important souls, and then you fight the new hotness that was apparently part of Manus (remember him?) from the first Dark Souls.

Unfortunately, she was kind of too fat for the throne (refused to change her eating and exercise habits, or something), so you were forced to remove her. Permanently.

Of course, having now killed Queen Genderbent Manus and her King, the hollow giant wandering the crypts, you’re free to take over the throne. Permanently.

Literally permanently; this massive boulder thing closes you into your throne. But whatever. You have this sweet kingdom to rule, and you’ve murdered anyone and everyone that was in your way.

Now you just have to bring your blacksmiths over to a more convenient location and begin making weapons from those souls you stole.